From my family to yours....May you celebrate this holiday season with joy in your home, peace in your world, and love in your heart. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
Brian, Kelly, Carol, Dave, Daniel and Dave
I am at a lose for words. What I feel sometimes is overwhelming. I have been the ear and shoulder for my mother for the past six years since my sister passed away. I sit and listen...for it is all that I can do now. I don't know how she feels loosing a child, but the ongoing pain that I hear in her voice is enough to know that I shouldn't have any complaints in my life on minuscule things. I fight to dig myself out of the emotions each time she talks with me of this. It will come out of the blue like yesterday and hit me like a brick wall. She now is following a class action lawsuit of similiar origin of the doctor that misdiagnosed my sister and has begun the process of writing letters in the effort to bring justice...or is it peace within herself. My mother now wants my response and feelings on it....
I shouldn't tell her that I feel she should let go....it is not my right....I want her to never forget, but learn to stay positive for the surviving members of our family...I want her to put her energy in another direction....these feeling that I have will go unheard, for how can I tell her to do nothing?
I will continue to listen ...continue to keep it to myself...and hope that one day peace will replace the hurt that persists within her.
"Never deprive someone of hope, it might be all they have." H. Jackson Brown Jr.
In the throes of indecision, a deep, inner voice will whisper an answer. Lynne Ames from Easy Answers to Life's Hard Questions
Today I found myself amused by my surroundings. At times I laughed with gusto... and other times I was searching for answers to questions that were asked of me. Though the smile never quite left my face I found myself wondering why things happen as they do. Is it just being at the right place at the right time....or do we bring certain energy towards us?
Sometimes I feel as if I'm pulled in all directions and everyone has just one more thing to ask of me....it gets to the point where all I can do is sit and smile. This is when my patience kicks in and I learn to endure without complaining. I will finish each day and be done with it. If I am lucky, I will have another opportunity the very next day to deal with things all over again.... maybe with a new view that will make things seem easier. In the meantime....I need a break!!!!! lol
"Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
True silence is something that rests in all of us and is mixed with the realization that our life is ever-changing in our purpose of being here. The impact of each person that passes through our life touches that silence within us and forms a new perception. We take that impression, add it to our existing thoughts and learn that life has more reason of living than ever before. How lucky we are to realize this in our daily endevors. We are our silence within.
I just awoke from spending my Friday evening sleeping in front of the fireplace. The warmth of the fire encircled me like a blanket and all I could hear was the intoxicating sound of the crackling wood. I lay there mesmerized by the comfort but alone in my surroundings, for the house was quiet. The light from the flames bounced against the walls and shown brightly just for me.....I should have stayed there all night.....
Did you ever have one of those days when things just feel good? Where everything looks brighter.... and thoughts run rapid....but every bright corner is filled with good feelings of calm? A day when it seems like you open your eyes for the first time...and everything in return catches our awareness?
This was one of those days. :)
It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. Edward Demming, Management consultant
Here's Dave this past Sunday on his 19th birthday. Where has the time gone? Seemed like yesterday that he was learning to ride his bike and now he's grown and in college! Change....it's inevitable....
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. Ralph Waldo Emerson
It's been here like an echo between my space and time....this feeling that I have...it will stay until I can't hold it anymore, it follows me.....ready to greet me in the day, and surround me at night...time doesn't seem to erase.......
A lot of activities yesterday in our household. Besides the cooking of Tom in the oven we enjoyed spending time together as a family. Had a pool tournament and lost some money. Today I think I won't gamble as much as 5 bucks a game like yesterday! lol We watched the "Hulk" movie together and apparently that consisted of beating up the blown up Hulk that Brian owns. Is that a guy thing?? The rubik's cube was done 3 times from my engineer husband who impressed the kids each time. How did he have so much time on his hands ?? Today we will fight the crowds at the malls as is tradition....I want to change that, but it seems my daughter is against it. I will have to look at it as quality time with her instead of quality time with a zillion of other people!
This day inspires thoughts of so many things and I wonder how I will ever bring this to clarity. I feel as though being grateful is such small words to say for such a life that I have. My surroundings seem to brighten with every day and my excitement never ceases to end. To have all of this and realize the impact can only enhance my world for the better.
Today I will give thanks for every breath that goes through me...for it is in this time that my senses are attuned to all things around me....and that in turn makes me smile. :)
You see things; and you say, "Why?" But I dream things that never where; and I say, "Why not?" George Bernard Shaw
Sometimes my dreams are so vivid that it is almost as though it really happened in my daily life. I wake up compelled to figure things out and think of why I would possibly dream what I do. Often I feel that it is a reflection of my true inner feelings....feelings that are kept inside for safe keeping. Feelings that if brought out would only complicate my own idenity.
Kelly and I went to the John Mayer concert last night at the Phillips Arena in Atlanta. He put on a great concert and played for 2 1/2 hours! The place was packed, the people were excited and the music was awesome. The picture above was taken just before we left as we were filled with anticipation of having a good time.
I would be lost if I looked into those eyes...so I sit and I glance away. He smiles and grabs me with his eyes and I know things will never be the same. How sweet it must feel to have this each day...how warm it would make me feel. So I sit and I glance and wonder each time if I dare feel this once again...
"A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror." Ken Keyes Jr. , Handbook of Higher Consciousness
My son will be visiting this weekend! It's been a month since he's been home and I will have to say I can't wait. His birthday is soon and he will be 19. Seems like just yesterday that we were in this picture booth taking candid shots. We looked like kids ourselves!
Received another letter from the IRS yesterday. Apparently it wasn't over after we paid thousands more like they asked. Seems that we have a refund of .95 to be exact.!? They won't mail the refund unless we ask for it... that is a letter with a .37 stamp on it just to get .95. Are they ridiculous or what? Maybe they should have figured the exact amount at the beginning when they came after it! lol
"No one knows what it's like to the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes....
My mind races as to what I have to get done today....I need to go walking to put all this in order. The sun is shining brightly and it will keep me smiling once again through the day. Maybe shuffling my tasks will create a whimsical day....yes, I think I will go against the norm...
......But my dreams, they aren't as empty, as my conscience seems to be...No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings, like I do...."
"Don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will take care of themselves." Dale Carnegie
Sometimes I need to read this often to make what I do seem worthwhile. And I wonder why there is doubt....but I have the confidence to overcome... confidence that is quiet....calmly persistent and effective. It has the strength to be kind,and the courage to be truthful. It is the result of how I choose to live my life. So why then do I need to read this often?.......
A gorgeous weekend this was! I spent hours paddling my canoe in tranquillity at the lake. The sunset was breathtaking....... I arose 6:45am for a sole trip to capture the sunrise and fell upon the most peaceful time spent on the lake. The water was still, the fog laid low and the quiet was just right.
"True silence is the rest of the mind, it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourisment and refreshment" William Penn
Have great news...the cyst on my ovary is gone! They have been tracking this since spring. Yesterday I had another cervical ultrasound and it revealed those results. I am very grateful that I went for a second opinion since they wanted to remove it and my ovary last month. They had thought it was a type that wasn't functional, which would then mean suspicious contents....life has been good to me. :)
"The time to pray is not when your in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it. " Josh Billings
It's intriguing how certain people enter our life and bring with them a whisper of fresh air. We hold on to that air and everything seems brighter for some reason.....and then we wait for that time for those to enter again and bring that energy that feels so good.
My mind goes weary without you by my side. Just the touch of your skin sets my heart on fire - and the feeling of your kisses sends chills up my spine. I don't know how I survived without you before this - for everything I live for is for you.......with you by my side nothing can go wrong. You have a place in my heart which keeps me going - and living - and enjoying - and seeing life as beautiful in times of sorrow or happiness - and loving, which is the greatest gift of all you gave to me. You offered yourself to me as a whole and set upon me a spell that blinds everything but you.
Carol - Written 2 months after our wedding.
What a nice day it is outside. I had beautiful skies to look at as I did my morning walk. With this cooler weather the sky has been so clear. I've had the fireplace on the past two days and I love the cozy feeling. Halloween is this week and I look forward to all the little ones running from house to house with a big smile on their faces. A day that brings back good memories.
"I shut my eyes in order to see." Paul Gauguin
We went to the musical production of Frank Sinatra's life last night at the Canton Theatre. First, dinner was at a coffee shop that was unique and set up with a live band to play later in the evening. The musical was great with three entertainers singing his songs through his life story. The reception after was a catered event of sweets and drinks. I will have to say I had one too many kahlua and creames. I'm sure feeling it today! lol
Inadequacies in one's life can only be damaging to your self exteem if you let it. Why then do we take something that is said in jest and take it to heart? Why would certain things stand out that people say when you are overwhelmingly positive about most aspects in your life? Shrug it off?...yes...we will only feel inferior if we let ourselves.
I'm sitting here filling out the forms for my doctors visit tomorrow. This is my second opinion doctor for Gynecologic Oncology for the cyst on my ovary. I'm sitting here worried, scared and wondering if I'll be able to get through the visit calm and with a sharp mind to get the answers to the questions I will be asking. I had to get out the letter from my sister's doctor on the type of her cancer. Reading that letter puts worry in me and thoughts in my head of what our family went through 6 years ago. I hope and pray things will go in my favor......
Quote: Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man. But sooner or later the man who wins is the man who thinks he can. Vince Lombardi
I will keep a positive attitude....I will and must do this....for me......
I'm sitting here listening to "Get Down Tonight" and it brings back memories. It makes me want to get up and dance and get down. lol I heard it in a movie that we watched tonight, so I thought I would download it. Good ole Kazza Lite. What would I do without it?!
Switched over to a Prince song..."I Can't Make You Love Me". I've yet to see him in concert. One of these days......
Well, I'm going to see John Mayer in concert next month. My daughter wanted desperately to go see him, so I figured I'd take her. It's been awhile since I went to a concert like that. Should be fun! He's coming to the Phillips Arena in Atlanta November 21st. I think she's counting down the days to the concert. lol
I took her to the doctors the other day and found out she has strept throat. It's killing her not being able to practice her basketball the last couple of days. She plays and practices all year around so it's in her routine. Take that routine away from her and look out!
Then she has been stressing about her SAT testing and what she needs to get into the college that she wants. Kelly is taking a 2 month course at a local college to prepare for the test. She wants a private out of state school...for pre-med.....should I return to work now? lol Bottom line is...I'm so proud of her.
Quote for today: Learn the art of patience. Apply disipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement, and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success. Brian Adams
I worked outside all of yesterday and planted my pansies. They look great! It's still a little early for the tulips. Maybe in a couple of weeks for those. I love it in springtime when they are all in full bloom. Last year my neighbor asked if I was going to be planting my 14,000 pansies. Sarcastic remark? I think so. Jealous? I think that also. Why are people like that?!.....
Quote: Always remember others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard M. Nixon, in his white house farewell.
Here's Daniel on his 10th birthday! He's growing up so fast! Dan loved the new in-line skates he received for his birthday and the train cake that I made. He had a great day and is waiting for his brother to come home from college this weekend so we can all go out to dinner for his birthday. Looks like he picked Macarooni Grill as the spot. Yum Yum
Don't limit a child to your own learning, for he was born in another time. Rabbinical Saying
The dance last night went well for my daughter and her friends. There were 5 couples along with their parents that came before dinner for pictures. I took about 60 pictures of them all so I can put them on a CD slide show. After pictures, they all went out to dinner at a Japanese restrauant where they had dinner cooked right in front of them. It was a nice dinner for them. After that, off to the school for the dance which they only stayed about an hour and ended up back here at 10:30 to play pool, listen to music and watch movies. The boys ended up leaving around 1:00am and the girls stayed till morning. All seemed to have a great time. I'm just glad everything went smoothly! Their a great bunch of kids and I enjoyed helping them out with having the party here. My daughter looked beautiful and it shown through with her smile of having a good time.
I often wonder why certain circumstances bring people together if not for a reason. Why do people cross paths at specific times in their life? Why is it that ones strengths guides the other to see things in a clearer light? How often do we miss those times when you meet, only to realize later the impact of that person?
My walk this morning felt good. It was enhanced by the coolness in the air and the appearance of the sun beaming through the trees. Every day should be like this!
Looks like the homecoming party will be at our home this Saturday. My daughter and 3 other couples have made their plans. Pictures will be before the dance and all the parents will also be here. A house full of 16 year olds should be interesting to say the least. The girls are staying the night while the guys will be kicked out hopefully at a reasonable time. How did I agree to this?? lol
I started yesterday up at school volunteering once again for the literacy program. I have two second grade boys this year. One of the boys I had last year was so excited about me helping him again. I remember last year his comment was "this is better than playstation". Having kids myself, I know what a huge compliment that was. All they want and need is some attention that is lacking in their home setting. This is my 4th year helping kids with this program and it has been great. When we were in Pittsburgh, I was involved with the school board, fundraisers, and mainly dealing with adults. Now, I've changed all that and only deal with things directly with the kids. Much more rewarding I would say.
Never discourge anyone...who continually makes progress, no matter how slow. Plato
This is a picture of my Dad at age 18 or 19. He's 68 now. He played soccer when it wasn't popular in this country but was popular in Pittsburgh. He received the Dapper Dan award one year. When my parents married at 19 and 20, he received 10 bucks a week for playing. How did they ever make ends meet! When us kids started arriving, he got a "real job" as my Mom put it. The Pittsburgh football team was trying to recruit him for their kicker. Would have been more money, but he wasn't interested. Soccer was his thing. I remember being on the soccer field every Sunday for games. I remember the oranges they got at half time and how I would always try to get some. My brother also played all through grade school and high school. There were no girl teams at that time and I remember thinking how unfair that was. But, fun it was to be around it in early childhood and high school. My older son has played and now my youngest is in his 4th year of playing. Saturday games this time....but what fun.
To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. Chinese Proverb
To my surprise, my son was standing in my kitchen last night when I got home. He rode back with a friend who also lives in Atlanta and wanted to surprise me. I was elated. Should I say he missed us. Yes, I think so. He goes back Monday and I will make the 8 hour round trip to take him back. It is wonderful to see him. This was just the day to take my camera everywhere and snap some kodak moments.
We went to a barn wedding reception tonight.....only in Georgia I'll tell you. I wanna go back to Pittsburgh!! I volunteer there every week with hippotherapy and kids with disabilities. I get to be around horses and help those sweet kids. It's the best of two worlds. The PT that I help got married and had the party there. She loves horses and thought what better place. They had a band that played CCR, so it wasn't all that bad. lol I tried to dance with my cute little high heels, but the sandy floor just wouldn't cooperate. Kept getting stuck in my toes and all. Where's my cowboy boots when I need them?! lol
Quote: The gift of happiness belongs to those who unwrap it. Andrew Dunbar
I have been unwrapping my gift for what seems like forever.....and it feels good.
Sometimes disappointment hurts. Dave is not coming home this weekend from college. He called last evening and told me that he had a big calculus test Monday and another test Wednesday. He still wanted to come home, but I told him to just stay there and do his work. I miss him.
Kelly is going to the homecoming dance next week. The weekend's mission is to find a dress! She looks good in everything so it won't be all that hard. Apparently all her friends are coming here after the dance for a party. Sounds like fun.
Today I will approach the day with gusto once again. The sun was huge this morning rising, and it looked like you could reach up and touch it. Beautiful and very peaceful. It was like telling us, I'm here... look at me....I will raise every morning no matter what happens, just be patient.....
Quote: Not merely an absense of noise, Real Silence begins when a reasonable being withdraws from the noise in order to find peace and order in his inner sanctuary. Peter Minard
What a great morning it is here. Air is cool, birds are chirping and the excitment is here to begin another day. :)
Tennis is this morning and I'm wondering if I should go. Starting next week I won't be able to make it because of helping with the literacy program at school on Tuesdays. Anyway, it interupts my walking in the morning! Yesterday I used my pedometer to see how far I've been walking the last 3 years and it clocked in at 4 1/2 miles. I figured it would be around that distance and was glad my trek was that far. It's a good way to start my morning.
Talked to my son yesterday at college. He wants to come home this weekend. We haven't seen him since he left in mid August. Seems to like it there at GA Southern, but misses his friends here. I'm doing the last coat of paint in his room today so maybe it will be done for him. I'm not sure he's going to recognize his own room. I don't think I've seen it that clean! lol
Quote for the day: You are not here mearly to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You empoverish yourself if you forget this errand. Woodrow Wilson
This is one of my favoroite quotes and it fits so well in my life. My vision is seen for others and my spirit is never ending....enriching the world is easy. :)
Well, I got the call from the doctor. There is a cyst on my left ovary that the doctor wants to remove. It's about 2 inches. At this point we're not sure what type it is . I'm making an appointment with an oncologist for a second opinion. Most likely I will have it removed within the next month or so. It doesn't hurt and if it wasn't for the extra tests they do on me, we would have never known. With my sister passing away 6 years ago from cervical cancer, I have been real thorough in having these test done. But now that it shows something......I don't know.....it's still better than not knowing whats going on with my body. At this point I'm worried but positive and optimistic about fixing this problem. Haven't told my Mom yet. I assume I'll wait.......
Quote: The greatest discovery of my life is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude. Williams James
Sun is shinning and it seems like fall could be in the air. That is the Atlanta fall which is mabe long sleeve shirt instead of short sleeve!. How I miss the fall weather of Pittsburgh. How I miss the fall weather of Virginia. Will I be saying that about Atlanta someday?? I'm wondering where the next stop will take us.? Has 3 years in Atlanta been enough??
Hiked Dowdell's Knob last weekend at Pine Mountain. Wasn't too bad at 4.3 miles but you'd think my family thought I was trying to do them in! They were good sports though and hung in there till we finished. Then we went to Callaway gardens to see the Hot Air Balloon festival. They waited in the hot sun about 2 hours so I could take a ride up in the balloon. Once again, they're such good sports. lol The only question I have is why no one else wanted to take a ride. ?
Quote for today would be:
We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about. Charles Kingsley
I have comfort, luxury and things to be enthusiastic about....... I would say it's been a good day. :)
And yet another journal.....my life seems to be filled on pages upon pages in books, but now will be written on the computer. For some reason it seems to feel......different.? Maybe with the thought of it being open to many eyes. I wonder.....will I hold back?
Tonight is the classic husband at work late, kids in bed and Mom trying to fill in the time with things to do. Why not just go to bed and catch up on some much needed rest? nah........not yet. :)
My quote I found for today was: "When it comes to the future, there are 3 kinds of people, those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened." I find this quite amusing because of those who wonder what happened people. I have met many in my life like that. Sometimes I just want to shake them and say "What were you thinking?"! Since that one and let it happen doesn't work for me, making it happen seems to fit quite well. Enough said. :)