Quest

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

First glance, it's shining brightly. Then the mist of rain comes into play. The eyes remain steady in this direction. The quest unknown.... the stance forthcoming... but lost under the surface.

Moments...

The silence between
your words stand
firm....it is at
those moments
where I see the
calmness that steals
my heart.

Etowah River

I spent a cold February day on the river with Daniel and sixteen other people. We paddled the Etowah River with the intentions of going through an old mining tunnel that was 1/4 mile long. It was supposed to be dark, narrow, quick and scary. Just what I was looking for. :) Needless to say when we arrived, there were "no trespassing" signs with a fine of $5,000. Dan, myself and all but a few opted to paddle on down the river instead of taking our chances. With the temperatures in the 30's, we decided not to chance getting stuck in a dark cold tunnel alone nor pay a fine. (maybe when it gets warmer :)

But, it ended up being a fun day on the water. We had obstacles that made the paddle exciting, a takeout that took every bit of leftover energy, and we met new friends to paddle with in the future. Can't wait till next time. :)

What's in your world?

2008

Making my way into 2008
while not discounting the past year
the future looks bright and clear
and the possibilities endless.
I'm smiling at the thoughts
enlightened by the dreams
warmed from my surroundings
and always with my inner peace intact.
Watch me fly....

Flinched

Silence

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known or unknown

 

dreams fill our being

whether known or unknown

holding steadfast

controlling thoughts

with simple questions

should be so easy....

 

walking through the shadows

where's the clarity?

blind to see

can't be reached

faceless

 

From a distance

Nod if you can hear me

 

changes come eventually

struggling in our own space

is hard to match

that negative becomes a positive

we touch it, breathe it, experience it

 

the vibration covers you in this new world

finding some isolation, hearing the music

it asks for nothing

but gives everything

can you take me home? hear me? treasure me?

 

just one little nod

 

 

Distance speaks

Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend. " Eat Pray Love" - Elizabeth Gilbert



I stand alone with only my thoughts to answer to.
How did it come to this, with all that feels, all that shouts,
smiles back at me like sunshine surrounding my heart?
We both stand close together as one, but the distance speaks.
Under the spell again.
I can't breathe or let go of the dream.
It feels good, conquers all, and sustains peace of mind.

Glancing with patience

Sometimes it's hard to hang out in the crowd. Where the conversations are trivial and words fly without thinking. All that is wanted, all that is needed, seems to stand alone.

At a distance, it's unfathomable. At close range, unmistakable. Can you feel it?

You stand there with patience, as I sit waiting. Glancing up, knowing, expecting.

Choices, Change and Chianti

I always thought that a clear and sharp mind made for the best writing. After a meal of beef (Not sure why I ate it. Where's my veggie burger?) and a bottle of Chianti, lets try to prove that theory wrong.

First, I would like to step out and talk about the word choices. We make them every day. In what we say, think and decide. We live with them. We see them. Sometimes the consequences are what we had in mind, sometimes not. Bottom line, are the choices really about us?

How about changes. Right before our eyes the world keeps evolving. Nothing new about that. But, why is it that we're always surprised when change stares us down? Are we prone to conform so as not to worry? How about standing our ground? Why does change usually weaken our defenses? Not until we're comfortable will we exhale and say "yes, that's why I did it".

I write because I feel. I love because I can. I smile with every bit of sunshine sparkling through. This is me. Simple, complex and questioning. Always questioning. Have I figured it out yet? No. Definitely not. But I do know that with every flicker of movement, every breeze that touches my skin, I have substance. Within that substance is peace. I hold that close.

Along with every morsel of shift, comes the ability to soar. Every speck of opportunity, the capacity to learn. The words come freely. The pattern sometimes jumbled. But, I know that it's full and just waiting to be heard at times.

Unfortunate Slight

Lose control and let your emotions go. Untwist the feelings and let them fly. They will come back as clear as when they filtered in. Seize the moment, relish the thoughts. They are there.

Hold back and keep straight. There's a lot to say about continuance. Rest again peacefully. Smile genuinely.

Unfortunate slight.

Distant Horizon

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what youre saying...

Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

When I watched the sun going down on this particular evening, I felt as though I could just sit there forever. There is something about the peacefulness that occurs as it slips away. Almost as though time should stand still during that last speck of light. A stillness surrounded by a comfort that we grasp for. Mesmerizing at it's best.

Capture it....feel it.... rest in it.

Fleeting Glimpse

Behind the eyes I see

not only here and now

but feelings standing lone

dreams showing thru

discovering, learning, imploring.

One would not understand

and see only a fleeting glimpse

that makes it real

Piercing, yet gentle

The object to crave sits looking on.

Piercing and gentle.

Pulled in from a distance.

Flattered by your presence,

yet simply can't quench that thirst,

your look says you've experienced all.

Embodied, yet unblemished.

The quietness fills the air,

speaking with silence.

walking out

  

whatever I say should have some bearing

does it matter now

my thoughts in line, scattered, oppressed

ideas seem to flow when I let them

is there control here, out there

can you relate when you crucify

will I transform them to fit your dream

though I sit and watch mine fly

altered mood

my own zone

the breathing just got easier 

He has been here

 

Solitude has been my best friend through life. 

 It has not disappointed me.  It comes to me when in great need,

and it leaves when ready.   It's never desperate for changing,

but vanishes when asked.  It won't argue, nor judge.

Solitude can leave me smiling.  It is never lonely. 

It's having a chance while starving for compliance. 

Have I said too much?....

 

The more you push me down, the more I press on. 

The more you insist, the less there will be to give. 

Handle my love with care and everything will be yours to hold.

The easiest thing in the world to be is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position.
-- Leo Buscaglia

It is easiest to be myself. As others look and make their perception based on what they see, almost always something new comes to pass that makes them question. How easy it is to make assumptions. We clarify if only for our self, the road that is sometimes lonely yet sometimes needed, how to go on. Lots of people talking, few of them know.

 

 

 

     that's me in the corner                                  

     trying to find my way out                                  

     learning that I can't see where

 

     consider this

 

     the world stays still

     in everything that I know, believe, act

 

     consider again

 

     the spin in my head

     in just about every dream

     comes tumbling down

Abundance

If we possessed every virtue, but lacked humility, those virtues would be without root and would not last. -- St. Vincent de Paul

At times, I take a step back and look around me. I see things that I never dreamed of when young, and the sense of luck and fortune enters my mind. I step back in another direction and know everything I imagined has indeed showed it's face. And yet stepping back for another view, I see that the simple things have stayed the same for me.
The world and it's beauty that have always showed the path for my outlook, shines. Yesterday, I smiled when seeing that my flowers overtook this statue that has been adorned with color since my childhood. It is the same smile of those early years, the same beauty of color, the same statue. In abundance? Definitely.

My garden bursting into Life

 

I've been taking pictures of butterflies the past week while in my garden.  These insects have been fluttering around minding their own business while I stand in wonder looking at their perfect beauty.  So light and airy, they bring my garden into a life of it's own. 

 I see them as extraordinary in their own right, peaceful in our midst. 

Watch me shine

Sitting in wait

Looking beyond

While beautifully placed

Freely smiling

On the grounds of just being

It breaks thru the silence

Speaking loudly

Seasons change

But watch me shine

If only for now

For tomorrow, I've yet to endure

Kelly's flip

I will have to say that Kelly's first time in my kayak was an experience for her. :) As I was putting her in the boat, I kept hearing her say "I can't do this!". I just laughed and told her "just do it!". Little did I know that as soon as I turned my back, she was in the water. As I jumped in to make sure she exited the boat, I saw her on her back laughing and saying "I told you so!". She didn't want to get back in, but she tried again. After being more patient this time, she did well and enjoyed a little paddle in the cove. She proceeded the next day to venture out more into the lake with me. It was a fun time. :)

High Museum of Art, Atlanta

NEW PHOTOGRAPHY

Taryn Simon

 

 

Ron Williamson

A former baseball player, he served 10 years of a death sentence for a murder he did not commit.

There is always something new to learn after visiting the High Museum of Art in Atlanta.    The other day was no exception.  The new exhibition on display consisted of 4 contemporary photography artists.  The one in particular that stood out to me were the works of Taryn Simon, a New York City-based artist.  One of her projects called Nonfiction,  included photographs documenting international regions in turmoil.   The pictures were very interesting, though sad of the destruction.  The other series that stopped me in my tracks were The Innocents.  They were photos of men  wrongfully convicted, imprisoned, and then subsequently freed from death row.   The primary case of wrongful convictions were mistaken identification.  They were exonerated through the use of DNA evidence.  This series of photos were taken at the scene of misidentification.    Each one was bold in their look of emotion and left me wondering of the path they went getting to that point.  I plan on getting the book containing all the photos and reading the stories behind it.  I thought it interesting.

 

Butterflies

The butterfly is a flying flower. The flower, a tethered butterfly.

- Ecouchard Le Brun

What is more graceful than a flower? A butterfly of course. :) On this particular day, I had two of those beautiful insects land on my hand. I watched them closely, admiring their beauty. It made me think of all the pictures of butterflies I took in my garden looking through a lens. On this particular day, I just watched it sitting there at close range. I think it was saying, "just look in the moment before life passes by".

Thompson Weinman Dam

Obstacles/Rapids:

Mile 3.5 - Thompson Weinman Dam - This lowhead dam poses a serious, dangerous threat if you go over it. There are no buoys to mark the dam so unless you know it is there, it is very easy to paddle right up to it's lip without realizing you are about to go over a 20- foot drop. After going beneath the Ga 293 bridge, keep to the left bank. Safety boats will direct you to the portage path. A TRIP OVER THIS DAM (RE:WATERFALL) COULD BE FATAL.

The above message was on our map for June 28th of the Paddle Georgia Trip. As I was preparing that morning for the 18 mile paddle, I read this paragraph on our map for the day. Needless to say, I was a little apprehensive, but sure that we would find this place and get around it becaue we were with 300 other people that day. We did just that and took pictures in front of it after we portaged around the dam. But I'm still thinking about that place 2 weeks later and keep wondering why there are not any buoys or warning signs posted in that area. Yes, we were fine because we were aware of it, but what about someone just getting out for the day and paddling this part of the river? I have found a web site for the Etowah River and plan on posing that question. We had caution signs along the river at different times for sediments and debris in the water, why not a sign for this dam??

May angels lead you in

So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.

Sometimes one just knows. While up in Pittsburgh last week for the family reunion, I noticed my cousin watching me and looking like he wanted to talk. I had spoke to him earlier about basic family catching up, but this was different. I felt he wanted to discuss something we had both experienced. I was correct with my instinct. I finally saw the opportunity to approach him as he sat in a lounge chair with an empty chair next to him. As soon as I sat down he started talking. I just smiled and was ready. I had been waiting to talk with him about this for a long time. He had lost his only brother, as I had lost my only sister . Him and I are the same age and both our siblings were two years older than us. We both have a remaining sibling, but I always wanted to know his inner thoughts of losing his brother that was so close to him growing up as my sister was to me. There was a connection that I knew he would understand. As we sat there, it seemed as if we finally shared something that was needed for both of us. It was time.

And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
God wouldn't let it live.

May angels lead you in

Artist: Jimmy Eat World Lyrics
Song: Hear You Me

Paddle Georgia 2006

 

 

 

 

 

Dan and I just returned from our week long trip down the Etowah River.  This was a project of Georgia River Network.  It was 120 miles total of 7 days on the river.  We camped each night and kept moving from the Dawson State Forest to downtown Rome Georgia where the Etowah meets the Oostanaula to form the Coosa River.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In this picture, Dan and his friends left their kayaks to swim in the cool waters of the river.  What fun they had going over the shoals!  It was amazing to see how quickly friends were made on this trip.  Each wanted the other to finish the 120 miles of hard work paddling in rain, intense heat and strainers that filled the river the first few days.   

 

 

Here we are the last day on the water after going over quite a rapid before Lock and Dam Park in Rome.  As you can see we are smiling.  The week had gone fast and I for one didn't want it to end.  My thought was continue on down the River to Mobile and into the Gulf!  I guess I'll have to save that trip for another time.  :)

Come back Kelly!!! :)

"I can't wait to tell you guys about the whole trip! the only thing standing in my way is about 16 more days and an ELEVEN HOUR FLIGHT home. (ps...no one told me it would take longer to get back....yipes!) " Kelly 6-14-06

Kelly has been studying abroad in Italy since May and I am missing her. The group of 35 students, along with their professors from Emory, have been moving from city to city every few days with the Italian studies program. In general, they will have participated in 270 tours to towns/sites when it's all said and done. According to the school, this is "an academic ‘outward bound’ program engaging faculty and student participants in a discovery of Italy and of one’s self. " I will have to say that from her calls and emails, she definitely is discovering herself along the way.

I can't wait to see her! I look forward to the many pictures and the stories that she will have of her journey when she comes home the first of July.

I can't wait to see you Kelly!! :)

State Finals

 

We had a great time at the state tournament a week ago.   I have been waiting to post the team picture on here but  haven't received that yet.    Our team did really well and won 4 out of 5 matches.  We ended up tied for 1st in our group.  Our team had one set more than the other  1st place team and we couldn't move on to the next phase.  I assume we will try to be there again next year. 

Overall, the weekend was a lot of fun.  We had nice dinners in the evening and good conversation along the way.  It was an experience that we all will remember.  :)

Tennis anyone?

Winning at tennis was excellent, but character off the court is more important. J. L. Atlanta Journal Constitution May 9, 2006

Today our USTA team is heading to Macon GA for the weekend to the state tournament. Should prove exciting, fun and maybe play some good tennis along the way! We have been waiting since last August when we won our division to head to this tournament to show our stuff. Hopefully we will come back with having a good time being there as a team and watching those who excel give us inspiration.

CRBI Canoe-a-thon, Race and Environmental Fair

This past Saturday was the 6th annual Coosa River Basin Initiative's Canoe-a-thon, Race and Environmental Fair in Rome, Georgia. The Canoe-a-thon and the race were 13 miles on the Oostanaula River. It was nice to see over 120 people participate in this event to raise money for the River. Dan had a great time participating in the adult kayak group and took 3rd in that event! He was only a minute behind the first and second place winners who were in their late 20's. I would say for a 12 year old, he did excellent. Dave and I took first in the mixed tandem canoe category while our friends in this picture both took first in the men's single canoe and women's single kayak.

The day was beautiful, sunny and full of nice people to talk with after the race. Along with that, it was nice to know that money was being raised to keep the river maintained.

Let the river flow. :)

Tommorrow

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you."
-Lao-Tzu

I think we all need to be ourselves in this life we have. Valuable time can be wasted when we compete with others in things that shouldn't matter as much. I tend to follow my own way in areas that are important to me. Sometimes this raises eyebrows, sometimes not. We all have the ability to choose, but at times stand still in which direction to take.

When I falter, I raise.

When I doubt, I regroup.

If I compare, I lose sight.

Tomorrow, I will start over.

Bird of Confidence

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

Henry Van Dyke

This picture was taken as I was lying on the beach waiting to put my kayak in the Gulf for some paddling. I was looking at the blue sky and absorbing the sunshine as this bird caught my attention . With it's great wing span and searching eyes, it flew above me in a graceful flight. It was not as colorful as the many birds I saw while in Florida, but it shown brightly with it's confidence in flight. I layed there in wonder while thinking, dreaming and flying. :)

Georgia Aquarium

These sharks look far from real to me in this picture, but they are in fact very real. To me, they look like those toy rubber sharks that they sell in the store!  lol

 

We visited the Georgia Aquarium which is now the largest aquarium in the world.  It was beautiful with the fresh and marine water that filled the displays.  Even though the salt water fish showed their bright colors vividly, I seemed to love the fresh water rooms.  They had a flat glass ceiling showing the fish, and my instant  thought was that this would be great in a bedroom.  To just lay there and look up and see the fish swimming around would definitely be pretty calming to me.  I actually had a dream last week where two of the walls in my bedroom were aquariums!  Dreams do come true, don't they?  :)

Map of myself

This is pretty much what journals are all about, at least to me. I knew as I wrote them that even though they provided an excellent place for brain (and heart, and psyche) dump, they were mainly a map of me.
-- Colleen Wainwright, communicatrix, 03-23-2006

This journal has definitely been a map of myself the past few years. At times I have written in the heat of the moment and during the pulsing of my heart being challenged. I have posted the proud moments that have surfaced in my children's life, while I stood on the side just absorbing their excitement. I was at first tentative as I switched from handwritten journals to open journal writing on the computer. But creativity that had been overflowing, surfaced as ideas flooded in. How nice it has been to look back and see that path over the years as I read older entries. It seems as though when there were too many eyes watching I tended to step back. Personality trait? Yes, I would say so. But, with my heart and soul submerged in the written word, I've come to realize how lucky I am for that release and for that map that continues to make me smile.

dan gogh?

This is one of many pictures that Dan has made at school. Most of the large ones are hung in my laundry room for a wall of artwork. I liked this one as I thought the colors were good and that he used different shading to show the depth.

All of a sudden I'm hungry for a piece of cake. :)

Strength

Would you sell the shirt off your back just to get what you need?
Before we go any further, would you do it if I ask?

Would you rob my heart to soften yours? Lighten my load while securing yours??

Watching it scatter in the daze of love
Hanging on tight
Gaining my strength
Smiling in the process

Dan's New Kayak

I am just as excited as Dan in him getting his new kayak. He made this purchase last month in January after saving money for a couple of years. We paddled out on the lake last week when the weather was nice and the sun shinning. I also signed up for another week long trip with him this summer. We will do both the rivers and lakes this year and hopefully make a trip to the ocean for some sea kayaking. It's great to see him enjoying one of my passions in life. :)

Books

Although the controversy has died down about this author, I thought I would write about these books.

I had read both back in the fall before all the hoopla started. I was enthralled with Million Little Pieces and couldn't put it down. I found it to be an encouraging book with great meaning. As I was reading it, I did think that he was so far gone in the drug and alcohol world that he couldn't have remembered everything exactly. That was OK for me, because the meaning that I got out of the book was more important. It was different than any book I had read before, and I liked that also. My Friend Leonard was also a good follow up.

We will be reading Million Little Pieces at my suggestion, for our book club in the next coming months. I can't wait to hear the controversy and should prove to be good discussions. :)

SUPER BOWL XL

http://www.post-gazette.com/

It's so great to be Super Bowl Champions again!!  Way to go Steelers!!!!

 

Suduko

This is the new challenging game that I've been doing as of late.  I was introduced to this game last month and it continues to interest me every chance I get to play it.  Challenges themind I would say.  :)

Each row, column and “area” (3*3) should contain the numbers 1 to 9 however: 
Number can appear only once on each row 
Number can appear only once on each column
Number can appear only once on each area (3*3 slots)
The bottom line : the number should appear only once on row, column or area.

Statue at Carnegie Museum

The art of the embrace. I'm not sure which I like better, the statue itself or the embrace. Are they clinging together for pure love? Surrendering? Heartbreak? Or longing to just feel another's touch? The intenseness of this embrace shows.
In my life, I tend to hug those around me. Where it once seemed foreign to me while I was young to embrace friends, it now comes naturally. Sometimes you feel their love coming thru, other times just the motion is there. Yet, it doesn't take away the need that I have to express.
I like to think this statue signifies heartfelt love in the time of need, as feelings left unheard can never penetrate the desire we have to love.

Quieting the senses

What is considered priority?
My life has mounds of priorities that sometimes can be overwhelming, though every one has importance in some way. Yes, few are of the most importance, but that does not diminish the others in their own way. The feeling of being pulled in a thousand directions can sometimes fog my path. It is at those moments that I stand back, find the quiet, and listen to my heart. This brings me to my center and throws the energy back in my being.
I had to do this the other day as my world closed in around me. I sought out the place where the peacefulness surrounds me and the quiet fills my senses.
I returned refreshed, smiling, and ready to conquer anything in my path. :)

Carnegie Museum of Art

The Carnegie Museum of Art was on the top of our list to visit while in Pittsburgh. Living there, I would always take the family to see the latest exhibits. Most of the time, I felt I was dragging them there to see something that interested me and not them. While there last week, I ventured off to look at paintings that caught my eye. After what seemed like hours, I went looking for Kelly. I found her sitting and intrigued by this piece of art. I smiled and took her picture. Apparently all those trips to the museum planted an interest of art in her. It was a good site. :)

University of Pittsburgh

While back home in Pittsburgh, we took the kids on a tour of Oakland where the University of Pittsburgh is located. It is also Dave's alma mater. This picture is the Cathedral of Learning. It is the tallest school building in the western hemisphere with 42 floors. This is one of the main attractions of the campus and one that we enjoyed showing to them. They've seen it before, but never on a walking tour. Actually a freezing walking tour in the dead of winter. Why not? lol

Merry Christmas

Today was a relaxing day spent at home with my family. After going to midnight mass last night and getting into bed around 3:30 , we had a lazy morning and awoke a little before 11:00. I enjoyed the excitement of everyone opening their Christmas presents. Seems that they were especially good this year. :)
Tomorrow we head out on a road trip to Pennsylvania. We will visit our family in Pittsburgh and stay the week with them. I am looking forward to time with my relatives.
I wish everyone peace and love this coming year. May you see the brightness in your everyday surroundings and the love and compassion in people that walk along your path. Merry Christmas :)

Contest

With everyone home from school on Thanksgiving break, we had a contest of making gingerbread houses.  I had only bought 2 of them because I didn't think anyone would be interested in building them.  Well, pulling them out that one day created a surprise for me.  Seems as everyone wanted to do it.  We divided up teams and I told them I wouldn't help either team.  I did concede after Team B added 2 cups instead of 2 tablespoons of water into the powder sugar to make icing!  I will have to say they did come out shining at the end with a nice house.  Although my daughter on team A, announced that it indeed looked like two guys did it.  What she mean by that?  lol 

Time

 

The way you define yourself as a writer is that you write every time you have a free minute. If you didn't behave that way you would never do anything.

     John Irving  

The days past have been hectic to say the least.  I have found myself craving the free time that has been lacking.  It seems as though time is rushing by and I'm left with a feeling of exhaustion and of want. 
I have piled up pictures and entries that need to be posted.  I have missed writing in this particular journal and feel the need to enter again.  Even if only for my own satisfaction of fulfilling my passion of writing.  Lack of time should not be lack of creativity.     
Let's see now, where's those pictures.....